shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
