I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
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Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
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He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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