i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
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i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
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30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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