I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
