my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
