If that was your dad, he is hot
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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