my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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