I want you more than these girls want KFC
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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