I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
