why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
