planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.