Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.