I'm fucking your sister right now.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
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Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
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You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless