I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.