what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.