Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I can text with my tongue
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
