also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
