i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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