puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
