So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
