Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
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I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
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He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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