What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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