I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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