Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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