I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
