At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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