Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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