The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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