based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
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