Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
