I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Randomize
