It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
