Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
