i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
