why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
