Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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