I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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