It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
