GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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