i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He? As in you personified your dick?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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