So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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