I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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