Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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