Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
