He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
