it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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