Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
