Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
