Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
