he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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