Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
