I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
