and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
