Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
