dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
