That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
My vagina just recognized that song.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
