this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Dignity is for republicans.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
