the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
