she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
