maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize