Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
