"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
