I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
