I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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