Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
