I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
