Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
