he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
